McLife

This is a poem I wrote in my first creative writing class I took in college. At the end of the semester, we all got to read our work to the class and have everyone vote on their favorites. Mine won, which was pretty cool. Now that I look at the poem, I'm not sure what there is to like about it, other than perhaps the rhythm. In class, we read "Black Helicopters," by R. S. Gwynn, which follows a pantoum form, where you take the second and fourth lines of a stanza and make it the first and third in the next to see how meanings shift as the poem develops. If you have a chance, you should read Gwynn's poem. His sounds much better than mine, for one, and you'll notice that I kind of copied his tone and approach.
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Package it, call it McLife—

Can you keep up with the pace?

Nitro-boost and expedite,

Mount and aim, get into place!

Can you keep up with the pace?

China’s got more than us!

Mount and aim, get into place!

Double overtime or bust!

China’s got more than us—

Diversify! Fill up the space.

Double overtime or bust—

The unevolved’ll lose the race.

Diversify! Fill up the space—

The backyard’s got a little room.

The unevolved’ll lose the race—

Produce, exhaust, and consume.

The backyard’s got a little room—

Nitro-boost and expedite!

Produce, exhaust, and consume,

Package it and call it McLife.